Shattered
by Zalistra
Summary: Liara and the rest of the squad struggle to comes with grips with Normandy's destruction and Commander Shepard's passing. Told from Liara's POV. MShep / Liara romance.


**Location: Above Alchera, Amada System, Omega Nebula**

**Setting: The Alliance has sent the SSV Normandy to investigate the disappearance of three other vessels in this sector. The mission has been quiet so far when suddenly an unknown ship hits the Normandy with devastating attacks. The crew now finds themselves in a fight for survival...**

Liara stepped into the escape pod and took a seat as the door sealed behind her. Shepard's words echoed in her mind, "Go Liara! Now!" The ship was coming apart all around them. It wouldn't be long until it would finally give and well anyone caught in that explosion wasn't going to make it. No, she had to go to him and ensure he got into an escape pod before it was too late. She knew Shepard, he wouldn't look after his own life until he knew he had saved everyone he could. Why did she tell him Joker wasn't evacuating?

Liara stood up and reached for the emergency release. Before she could reach it, the jettison system engaged and the pod shot out from the ship. She was thrown back by the sudden force. Liara twisted to her left, trying to find something to steady herself with, and didn't see the low hanging structure until it was too late. She lifted her arms, trying to protect her head but it made a fierce impact against the contour of her helmet. The momentum change sent her crashing to the floor and she landed flat on her stomach. Her world start to swim as intense pain radiated from the left side of her head. Liara grit her teeth and pushed back against the agony. She struggled to her feet and sat in a chair, absentmindedly strapping herself in.

Her eyes were glued to the small display that framed what was left of the Normandy on its screen. She noted more escape pods departing the beleaguered vessel but the only one she wanted to see was the one for the flight deck crew. Joker wasn't going to get out without Shepard's help. "Come on, get out of there!" she yelled to the console as she clenched her hands into tight fists. Another shot hit the Normandy and a series of explosions rocked what looked like the mid-section. The ship was starting to look small as the pod sped to towards Alchera. Then a large explosion engulfed the ship. "No Shepard!", she screamed, slamming her fists against the screen. A searing pain gripped her as she rested her hands against her covered forehead, the tears beginning to form. A bright light, like the flare of an engine igniting, displayed on the monitor for a brief moment, it caught her eye. She squinted, trying to make it out. Was it just debris or an escape pod? She couldn't be certain what it was. The act of entering the planet's atmosphere was interfering with the exterior camera now; the console only displayed static. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she tried to suppress her worst fears.

The sudden impact with the ground jarred Liara out of her semi-conscience state. She was remembering their last kiss and how it made her feel alive, loved and full of hope. It was that hope she was desperately clinging to now. He must have made it. She did not want to entertain the other option. The pod skidded to a stop and the computer announced that the distress signal had been sent, that it was safe to exit the pod, but masks must be worn and exposure should be limited due to the cold temperatures. Liara sat inside the escape pod and tried to gather her senses. She should try to find the others, but she couldn't find the strength to move. A few moments later, the hatch opened and Garrus poked his head in. "Good to see you made it, Liara. Are you okay?"

"I believe so. I hit my head, but I should be fine." He gave her his hand and helped her out of the pod. Liara stepped out and looked up. Debris was coming down in what seemed like slow motion. The pieces moved across a cloudless, azure sky leaving blazing, reddish-orange trails. Tendrils of thick, black smoke were left in their wake. It seemed so surreal. How could this happen? The Normandy was the most advanced ship in the galaxy and it was destroyed in a matter of minutes. Not even the Geth had been able to due much damage to the Normday in the Citadel battle. Who was this new enemy?

"Liara," Garrus called. She turned to face him. He looked into her eyes and must have read her anxiety. "I'm sure he made it, there were three more pods still landing when I came to get this one. This way, the others have set up a camp." Garrus heaved the satchel of emergency gear over his shoulder and they began to walk. Liara looked off into the distance and could make out some tents. She was relieved, as she didn't think she could go very far before collapsing.

"Goddess, this can't be real," she muttered. She didn't mean to be heard but Garrus must have since he moved in closer and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. His embrace felt good, strong and sure. It gave her some comfort. She thought he was going to speak, offer some words of encouragement, tell her not to worry, but he didn't. They simply walked on in silence, neither of them wanting to voice what they both were fearing.

Garrus set the satchel down near a tent. "Ashley and Tali went off to meet the other escape pods. They should be back soon." He pointed to a tent on his right, "Dr. Chakwas can take a look at your injuries, maybe help with the...pain," he supplied.

"Yes, maybe I'll do that." She gingerly rubbed the left side of her helmet. Her head throbbed in response.

"I think you should," he responded. "I'll be next door sorting out our supplies, don't know how long until help will arrive. Let me know if you want to talk...okay?" Liara nodded and shuffled off to the med tent.

Garrus watched her until she disappeared into the tent. It was obvious she was in a lot of pain, little of it physical. He had never seen her act so...broken, even after Benezia died. He wanted to run to her side and just hold her, but he wasn't sure if that was the right thing to do. She was putting all her will into keeping herself together. He knew she had feelings for the Commander and that they had started a relationship, but he had no idea they were this strong. And what if the Commander was gone now. She was going to need someone to help her through, but could he do that just as a friend? He wasn't so sure.

Liara pushed the flap aside, passing through the atmosphere regulators, and stepped into the medical tent. The space was a hive of activity. Some soldiers were helping the injured while others busied themselves with setting up equipment and sorting out the supplies. The warmer air was soothing but it couldn't reach the ache in her soul, not knowing his fate was torturous. She had only managed a few steps before Dr. Chakwas was in front of her, assessing her. "Liara, I'm glad to see you in one piece, let me take a look at you." Her omni-tool buzzed through a series of scans. "Seems you have a mild concussion dear, here, take this, should reduce the swelling and dull the pain. Removing your helmet should also help with the pain."

Liara reached for the pressure locks on the side of helmet and slid it off, cradling the helmet in one hand while accepting the medication in the other. She examined the bright red liquid, dreading the horrible after taste all medicine seem to have, so she quickly tossed it back. The taste wasn't pleasant, but she wasn't about to gag either. "Thank you, Doctor. Tell me, have you seen...is he.." Liara looked at the ground, trying to hold back the tears. Blackness was eating at the edge of her vision and she was feeling faint. She swayed on her a feet a bit. A steadying hand came to her aide and ushered her over to a cot.

"Here, why don't you lie down for a bit and rest. I will let you know as soon as I have any news," Dr. Chakwas soothed.

"No, Doctor, really, I must go...", Liara started to say but the Doctor cut her off.

"You do not need to do anything but rest." Liara felt some pressure against her neck and suddenly her eyelids were very heavy.

"Ashley, Tali, you made it back, I was starting to worry. We are loosing daylight fast. Are all the escape pods accounted for?", Garrus asked. Tali was looking at the ground, clearly indicating she did not want to speak, so Garrus looked at Ashley. They were not close enough to make eye contact through their darkened visors but her stance and slightly bowed head told him bad news was on the way.

"Yeah, we found the other three escape pods...", Ashley started but she let her voice trail off as Joker entered the scene.

Joker hobbled over and looked at Garrus or was it through him, he couldn't tell. "Garrus, the Commander...he came and got me, helped me into the escape pod and he started to climb in...when...a blast, it knocked him away, into space. I reached out...but...I couldn't...I'm sorry."

Before Garrus could think of what to say, Joker had walked away. He looked at Ashley and Tali, though he couldn't see their faces their grief was clearly evident. He was in shock. The Commander had become a good friend to him, a mentor really. He was seeing, learning what it was to lead, to gain loyalty and trust. In turian society, it was just expected that everyone would stand up for the cause, but he had watched this human rally people from all over the galaxy to his side. Garrus never thought he would be willing to give his life for a human, but he had somehow inspired that in him. He was that rare breed, talented diplomat and skilled solider all rolled into one. Now he was gone, taken in an instance in some obscure piece of space running an errand for the damn Alliance instead of preparing us for the Reapers. He shouldn't even be out here. Why hadn't they listened to him?

Tali's hand on his shoulder brought Garrus out of his thoughtful state. "Liara should be told. In fact I'm surprised she didn't come running the moment you two showed up. She was going crazy with worry. Damn, I don't know how we should do this. How do you tell someone their love is gone?", Garrus asked the two of them.

"We should all go," Ashley suggested, "I think she is going to need all of us." The three of them shared a silent agreement as they set off to find Liara.

"I sent her to the med tent Dr. Chakwas had set up, we should start there."

He should be happy, why isn't he happy? She moved over to his side and slid her arm around his, interlocking their fingers in a reassuring grip. "Your meeting with the Council didn't go as you had hoped?" She was disappointed she couldn't be up there, supporting him. The Council had wanted to question each squad member separately to get their unbiased opinion on the Reaper threat. She was sure they couldn't ignore what they were saying, surely they would see the need to prepare. She had explained to the Council how the Reaper invasion fit with the manner in which the Protheans disappeared. It only made sense they would be back as the beacon had warned, as Sovereign had taunted.

"No, they believe Sovereign was a Geth creation and that Saren was a rogue agent that was leading them against the Citadel. They still want to believe the Geth are the real threat," Shepard said, hanging his head in defeat.

She could hear the frustration in his voice. She had heard many times when she would talk to him after his Council updates. However, this time there was some desperation mixed in. She squeezed his hand. "We will convince them, soon. I think they just need time to process what you are saying to them. You are telling them to prepare for the end of the galaxy." He sighed heavily. She hated this part, knowing the tremendous weight he was bearing and his inability to share it, to see that his squad and certainly she was going to stick with him for as long as it took to see this through. "You are not alone in this. Each one of us is going to stand with you and do whatever it takes to get the galaxy to see the truth. I am with you. I'm not going anywhere."

She turned into him and brought his head up to hers so she could look into his eyes. Those steely, blue-grey eyes, which held so much determination and fire, whose color reminded her of storm-tossed seas. They had captivated her when she finally got a good look at him aboard the shuttle all those months ago. She remembered the moment vividly. He taken a seat across a from her on the shuttle. His head was bent towards the floor has he worked the seals that would release his helmet. She didn't want to stare at the first human she had ever met so she looked around, taking in her surroundings. Her eyes swept back towards the Commander on her way over to another part of the shuttle when their eyes met. They locked and the two of them stared at each other for several heartbeats. She felt herself blush as those amazing eyes examined her. She quickly diverted her eyes even though she did not want to do so. She stole a glance and saw him smile. He then got up and she was terrified he was going to come over to her, but he headed to the front of the shuttle to talk to the pilot. She was hooked. She just had to know more about him.

His hand on her cheek had brought her back to the present moment. A smile, small at first crept across his face, it caused her heart to leap. What was it about being able to make him smile that filled her with such joy? She leaned in close and he followed suit, foreheads gently touching. "I'm glad I have you, Liara. I.." there was more he wanted to say but she could sense he wasn't sure he should. She moved in closer, brushing her lips against his, and then they kissed. He pulled back slightly and whispered, "I will always be here for you, too".

"Should we wake her? She looks so, peaceful, happy even." The voice sounded like Tali. Liara slowly opened her eyes to find Tali and Garrus leaning over her. "Oh, she is awake," Tail remarked.

She rubbed her eyes, she had been dreaming, yes? It seemed so real, she could still taste his lips. Noticing she was the center of attention, as she sat up in the cot, and quickly scanned the room. The squad was there and Dr. Chakwas, Engineer Adams. The reality of the situation came flooding back like a tidal wave. "Shepard!" she exclaimed. Her mind raced as she searched the room. No, no, why do they have those looks. Where is he? He must be badly hurt, yes, that's it, that is why he isn't at my side and why they are concerned. However, the silence in the room was screaming her fear at her.

Finally, Ashley stepped forward, "Liara, I.." she looked at the floor, like she was searching for something. Liara's heart clenched as the fear she had been fighting back started to take hold.

"Liara," this time it was Garrus, she could feel his hand rest on her shoulder, then Tali's hand was there too. She was starting to go numb.

Ashley started again, "Liara, Shepard, he...he didn't make it. I'm sorry..." Ashley was still talking but Liara didn't hear it. It was suddenly hard to breathe, she pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her head there, folding her arms around her head. The tears followed freely, from deep within her soul. Goodess, she silently plead, this can't be. It wasn't enough to loose my mother? He was the only other person who cared for me, who wanted to know me. He was my ray of hope, what do I have now?

Tali, Garrus and Ashley looked at each other, there were no words for this kind of pain, they could only be present for her. Liara began to sob. It was the only sound in the room, other then howling wind adding its voice to Liara's sorrow.

Night had fallen on the desolate planet and the wind blew with even more intensity. Liara felt its sustained roar expressed her deep desire to just scream until nothing more would come out. It was as if the planet sympathized with her agony. It still felt like a nightmare, any moment she would wake up and hear his voice, feel his touch, drink in his warmth. The thought of his warmth made Liara shiver and she swaddled herself with the blanket even more, but it just seem colder. Cold, that was all she could feel. Was that all she was ever going to feel again? She snuggled her head against the pillow and sighed, trying to relax. She was exhausted but rest was hard to find. What was this, the fifth time she had tried to fall asleep tonight? She closed her eyes, telling her mind to still, to find peace.

Her mind's eye brought up Shepard's face, he had that warm yet slightly mischievous grin on his face. She had found it irresistible, luring her away from her naturally timid demeanor. Liara had spent much of her life alone, when she was little, her mother was often away on business. Her own work often had her at remote planets for months at a time. She had found it unsettling to be living aboard a ship, in constant company of others. In fact it had quickly overwhelmed her and so she locked herself away in her office behind the med bay as often as she could. A smirk graced Liara's face as she remembered the first time the Commander knocked on the office door uninvited. She had sprung from her seat in a panic, sure that she had called him here to show him something important but had forgotten what it was. She sifted through data pads and scanned through her omni-tool, then she realized how rude she was being, leaving the ship's commanding officer waiting outside the door.

"Please, come in," she called as she tried to compose herself, sure she was just about to make another gaff with this human she found so...interesting. She always found other species and their cultures interesting, Shepard was the first human she had met, surely that was what was driving her growing desire to know everything she could about him. "How can I help you, Commander?"

"I just came by to see how you are, Liara. I haven't seen you around the ship much," Shepard stated.

A wave of relief passed over her, so she hadn't called him down here, but then wait, he had come just to check on her? She was flustered, but tried not to show it. "Oh, that's very kind of you, but I'm quite well. I'm just not use to so much company you see," she let her voice trail off.

I see, well, if you want to be alone I can respect that," he replied.

Was that disappointment she had detected in his voice? He turned to exit, his head wasn't held quite as high as when he had entered. She bit on her lower lip, the conflict she had been suppressing was making itself known, should she keep her distance or try to get to know this human? She had heard stories of how self-centered humans were, only interested in advancing their own needs. He didn't seem to fit that profile though. The door was beginning to open when she called out, "Commander, maybe a

little company would be nice. What would you like to talk about?" He stopped, turned and smiled at her. There it was, that intoxicating smile. She couldn't help but smile back at him.

That was how it had started, they talked for hours. He asked about the asari, wanted to know about her family and what she was interested in. She couldn't remember another time someone had been genuinely been interested in her, usually they came to her to talk about her research or learn more about her mother, even though she hadn't spoken to her in years. Liara let out a soft sigh as the memories stirred something in her. They were good memories, even better knowing how he had felt about that encounter, something she had gleaned from their joining that night before the Ilos mission. They also reminded her of the connection she had lost and the sorrow tugged at her once again. Tears once again rolled down her cheeks and she mourned in silence. Where are you now, Shepard? I miss you.

Garrus could see Liara was settling into a pattern. She had wept as silently as she could when their little camp had turned in for the night. They all knew there would be little sleep to be had, but they had to try. He could see it starting all over again in the soft glow coming off the heating unit. He had move it closer to her for the night since she frequently mentioned it was cold. It began with trembling as she suppressed her crying, a soft sigh as she tried to calm herself, some shifting as she curled into a tighter ball, another sigh followed by an attempt to sleep.

He didn't know what to do. He was not the least bit confident in his ability to provide comfort, but this was torture to watch. Surely the others had to be aware of her suffering. Were they ignoring it so she could have some privacy in which to mourn? He heard that low, desperate sigh and decided that was enough. Garrus quietly extricated himself from the sleeping roll and padded over to her side, crouching low so he could gently nudge her. This is insane, what do I think I'm going to say that will help? He turned to escape back to his bedroll but Liara must have sensed he had come over to her. Asari always seem to have this ability of being aware of their surroundings no matter what, it unnerved him. She propped herself up and whispered, "Garrus?".

"Sorry, Liara, I just..." he didn't know what to say next, Liara sat up and he got a good look at her. Even in the dim light, he could tell her eyes were blood-shot and her checks were tear-stained. Feelings he had pushed aside months ago again began gnawing at him. He had abandoned his feelings for Liara when he saw how her relationship with Shepard was growing, they tried to keep it hidden, but it had become pretty obvious they had fallen for each other. However, he could see she really needed to be comforted. Would she have his company? Garrus cleared his throat, "I just noticed you couldn't sleep either, did you want to talk?"

She ponder this for a moment, then responded, keeping her voice low, "We will just wake the others."

Damn it, he wasn't going to let her suffer alone. Ever since they broke the news to her in the med tent she had reverted into her reclusive state, avoiding them as the crew consoled each other, trying to process what had just happened to them. "If you are worried about that, the equipment tent has some space in it, we could talk in there. It's not far," he offered.

Liara lowered her head and thought. He was pretty sure she would refuse and he was going to have to scoop her up and carry her there. Then she reached over and grabbed the survival gear, "Alright," she whispered, barely audible over the wind.

They walked over to the tent in silence, he wasn't sure if the wind had forced that on them or if she didn't really want to talk but didn't know how to tell him no. They entered the tent and he arranged some crates so they could sit on something other then floor. He was glad to find the heating unit was on, it actually felt warm in this space. Garrus waited for the little atmosphere unit to kick in and then removed his breather helmet when he saw the green light. Liara followed suit, still remaining quiet, she looked like she was freezing. He fetched a blanket and wrapped her up in it, then sat her down on the crate, drawing her in close. He started to gather his thought, trying to find those perfect words that would make it sting just a little less, but Liara started talking. "Thanks Garrus, I know Shepard meant a lot to all of us. I just didn't want to make it any more difficult on anyone than it already is," she murmured.

Garrus could hardly believe what he was hearing, she was worried about them? "Liara, we know what he meant to you, and we are your friends. We want to be there for you. Besides, I think we all need each other right now." He wanted to look her in eyes, make her believe she was going to be okay, but he couldn't. The silence lingered and he wondered if he had said the wrong thing. He could feel her start to tremble, a hand touching her forehead as the tears began to trickle down.

"Goddess Garrus, I left him up there to die! I told him Joker wasn't evacuating. He went after him instead of getting in the escape pods. I sent him to his grave! It's all my fault! I...I killed him!" The vehement outburst caught Garrus off-guard and he pulled back from her.

Is this really why she had been avoiding us? Because she thinks it is her fault that he didn't make it? "Liara, this isn't your fault, you are not to blame for what happened," he said firmly.

"You don't understand, I told him he was not alone in this, that I wasn't going anywhere, and then, in the moment he needed me most, I wasn't there for him!" She wasn't holding back now, the full force of her sorrow, pain, anger and regret was coming out. She turned into him and pressed against him. Her free arm swinging at him. Her clenched fist pounded on his shoulder. The blows caused some pain but nothing he couldn't handle, unless she unknowingly let her biotic energy loose. He tried not to worry about that.

Garrus knew he had to choose his next words carefully. He felt like he was trying to diffuse a bomb that was near the end of its countdown. He cleared this throat, "You know as well I do that Shepard was going to make damn sure as many of his crew got out alive. He had to go after Joker."

"Did he? If he really loved me, he would have gotten into that escape pod with me instead of leaving me...alone." There wasn't anger in her words, instead they reflected a genuine hurt.

He knew that if he let her continue this line of thinking Liara would be lost to despair. He had to break it. He had already lost someone he was close to, he wasn't about to loose another. Garrus grabbed her arms firmly, she raised her head and their faces were inches apart. "Listen to me, Liara, the Normandy crew was Shepard's family. He wasn't going to leave any of us behind. The mission and us, his crew, always came first. He loved you, Liara, and he gave his life to let you know. He let you go so you could live, so all of us could live. I am honored that he gave is life for me and I'm sure as hell not going to waste it. I'm going to make it count so his sacrifice was worth something. Are you, Liara?"

He let go of his grip, suddenly realizing how tight it had gotten and he might have been hurting her. Liara just sat there, an empty stare on her face. The silence stretched on making Garrus feel certain he had done more harm then good.

"You're right, Garrus," Liara finally stated. She got up, dawning her breathing mask, and made for the tent flap.

"Liara," he called. She stopped but did not turn to face him. "You loved him and you should grieve for him, for as long as it takes to let go, but remember that, you'll need to let go at some point. Don't let yourself fall into despair, it's not what he would have wanted." A slight nod was all he got in return before she had exited the tent.

Liara strode away from the tent, leaving Garrus behind. The sun had just cleared the horizon. A pallet of pinks, oranges and reds caressed the sky. Low clouds whisked by, the brisk wind ushering them onward. The sight was breathtaking but she had no desire to admire it. Instead, she was caught up in a tempest of emotions, angry, at so many things, one moment, distraught the next, as the weight of grief bore down on her. She grit her teeth and a pool of biotic energy collected around her fist. She cocked her arm back and in a swift, powerful motion flung the ball of energy at a nearby boulder. The snow pile sprung off the top of the boulder like a wave crashing onto the shore as its center exploded into a thousand shards. The remaining rock crumbled in on itself, spewing dust into the air. Liara panted, the release of so much energy draining her. She looked at the shattered remnants of the boulder that had been there a moment ago. "That's exactly how I feel," she mumbled, "shattered, into a million pieces."

She collapsed onto her knees and sunk into the powdery snow, the exertion catching up to her. "If this is what is like to loose the one you love, then I'm never falling in love again," she mused to no one in particular. She couldn't imagine how other asari did it, they had only been together a couple of months, but in that time they had grown very close. Maybe asari had multiple partners but only one love? Perhaps time was all she needed. Garrus was right. She couldn't let the long years of her life roll by in grief and despair. That was no way to honor her love. "I'm shattered, but I can be put back together again. Though some pieces of me may be too damaged to fix," she confessed. Right then she resolved to dig down deep and find the strength to stand strong against all those emotions that sought to break her. She sat in the snow, letting the self-destructive thoughts she had been courting melt away.

Liara thought she heard snow crunching behind her, so she turned towards the source of the sound. Chief Williams was headed her way. They had a rocky start to their relationship since Ashley wasn't reserved about her mistrust of "aliens" in the beginning, but as the missions came and went they began to respect each other. "You've been sitting in the snow for a while now, you okay?" Ashely asked.

"Yes, thank you. Apparently I needed to get some...emotions out," Liara said, taking stock of her handiwork.

"Remind me not to get on your bad side," Ashley quipped, clearly impressed by the level of destruction Liara had wrought. Ashley extended a hand and helped Liara to her feet. "The Alliance has made contact and they should be here to extract us shortly." Liara nodded, she was glad they would be leaving this place soon. She'd be content if she never saw it again. The two headed towards the camp that was being disassembled.

"How are you holding up, Ashley," Liara asked.

Ashley sighed, "I'm devastated, Liara, I'm a soldier and I'm still devastated."

"What does being a soldier have to do with it?" Liara wondered. She couldn't understand how her profession was suppose to influence how she would feel about loosing a friend.

"Well, the military trains us for these situations. They prepare us for loosing our comrades so we can focus on the mission and after that, move on with life," Ashley explained.

Liara thought the statement over, it made sense to her in a pragmatic sort of way, but the idea that one should detach themselves from their natural response seemed ultimately destructive to the individual. She felt she needed more context. "So your military somehow dulls your ability to grieve the loss of your crew or squad?"

Ashley shook her head, "No, its more like teach us that joining the military means your forfeiting your life. You are simply living on borrowed time, that you only have the moment that is in front of you. It sounds fatalistic, but if you embrace it, it's actually freeing. Instead of feeling like time was stolen from you, you feel grateful you had as much time as you did with that person."

Liara was beginning to understand, it was a shift in perspective, not necessarily a practice of detachment. Maybe it was something she should try for herself? "So if I may ask, why is this different for you?"

Ashley stopped and looked at Liara. "It's different because the Commander gave me hope. He understood the real threat and I believed he would make us ready for it. Now, well, I'm not so sure there's much of a future out there." Ashley put a hand on Liara's shoulder, "Enough about me though, how are you holding up? You seem to be doing better today."

Liara sighed, mustering her resolve. "My heart has been shattered into a million pieces, Ashley. I miss him so much. Our time together was too brief. But, he would want me to be strong and carry on. So, I

will, for him." It felt good to give voice to her new found resolve, to state she was deeply wounded but not beaten.

"Good, you had us all worried," Ashley patted Liara's shoulder in relief. A gentleman in Alliance garb strode up to the two of them and offered a smart salute to Ashley. She returned the gesture, "At ease, what's our status?"

"The SSV Sydney reports they are in orbit and ready to send in the shuttles. They would like to know how many we need," he soldier replied.

"The Sydney, huh, didn't think they'd send a dreadnaught and its escort just to pick us up," she mused. Ashley looked around the dwindling campsite and did some quick math, "Request four shuttles," she responded.

"Yes, Ma'am, right away," the man saluted again and ran off to delivery the message.

"You still have a lot to coordinate, Ashley. I'll let you get to it," Liara stated. "Thanks for checking in on me."

"You bet, just let me know if you need anything. And hey, I know we didn't exactly get off on the right foot, but its been an honor, Liara." Ashley gave a quick salute, which surprised Liara, before she turned to address a group of alliance soldiers awaiting her orders.

"Same here," she called. She wondered why Ashley was saying good-bye though. Surely they would see each other again soon.

"Liara!" She recognized Tali voice and turned to find the young quarian. Before she knew it, Tali had her locked in a bear hug, "Keelah, I was so worried! I didn't know where you went and Garrus said you had stormed out on him earlier. You looked so hurt yesterday, I just, well, I worried you went off to do something horrible to yourself...", her voice trailed off as she relaxed her hug.

"I just needed some time to myself, Tali. I'm sorry to have caused you such distress." She appreciated the genuine concern Tali's words carried. Their mutual status of "outcast" was the foundation for their strong friendship. They both understood what it was like to be on the fringes of society.

"I can't believe he's gone, Tali lamented. "He was such a good friend, regularly checking-in on me and making sure the crew was treating me as an equal. Then he put me in charge of the engines! Keelah, I'd never had anyone put so much...trust in me." She stopped an hung her head. "Listen to me being so insensitive! I can't imagine how you must be feeling."

"He certainly was special," Liara agreed, "and don't think you can't share memories with me. I miss him more then I can describe, but it helps knowing I have friends by my side who share my pain." The two friends embraced again, sharing a moment of grief with each other. She was grateful for Tali's friendship.

"Shuttles are here, strike the med tent and prepare to depart," Ashley called.

"I suppose we should help with the loading. Please find me on the ship though, I'd like to chat some more," Tali remarked before she turned to help move some of their emergency gear into the shuttle. Liara helped as well and then boarded a shuttle.

Within minutes they were delivered to the SSV Sydney. The shuttle came to rest and the door opened to reveal a massive cargo bay. She thought the entire hull of the Normandy would fit into this space. Various flags she didn't recognize hung from the rafters. The floor and walls were painted in Alliance colors. There were various painted emblems spaced evenly along the wall. She remembered seeing a few emblem-type patches in frames on Shepard's desk. She hadn't found the time to ask him what they meant and now she never would. The thought cast a frown on Liara's face. There were reminders of Shepard everywhere it seemed.

"Excuse me, ma'am, I'm sorry," the alliance soldier stated to get her attention. He quickly scanned a data pad and then examined her face. "You're Dr. T'soni, correct?"

"Yes, that's me," she replied.

"If you would ma'am, please follow me for processing, we need to get you and the other non-alliance personnel cleared for access to certain parts of the ship. I will also be taking you and your colleagues to be de-briefed." The soldier gathered up Tali and Garrus and the trio followed the him through a maze of corridors. The finally ended up in some obscure office where biometric scans were taken and identification tags were produced for each of them. Their escort informed them that a layout of the dreadnaught could be found on their omni-tools and there were several VI locations throughout the ship that could assist them if they needed help.

Next they were taken to a small conference room where they waited for their de-brief. Liara consulted her omni-tool, already feeling lost in the massive vessel. This ship was nothing like the Normandy, which had always felt cozy. The crew seemed like one big family into which she had been quickly accepted. She was beginning the family atmosphere had been mostly Shepard's doing.

"Good morning, I'm Lt. Commander Henderson, I will be conducting your de-briefing today. As I understand it you all were the, uh, special, members of the Normandy's crew." He was a tall and muscled, with a fair complexion. Light blond hair could be seen poking out from under his cap and his face was clean-shaven.

"You could call us that," Garrus quipped. He folded his arms across his chest to further emphasize is disgust at the characterization.

"And you must be Garrus Vakarien, the former C-Sec officer. Next to you is Tali'Zorah nar Rayya, I presume and then we have Dr. Liara T'soni, correct?" The three of them nodded. Henderson cleared his throat as an image of a formally dressed, older human appeared. Although he was older, Liara could tell he was in excellent shape. He carried himself well and his presence exuded authority. His eyes were sharp and the long scar that laced his face told her that his man was not someone to be trifled with. "Admiral Hackett, I did not know you would be joining us," the Lt. Commander managed as he came to attention.

"At ease, Henderson, I didn't want to wait for your report to hear what these folks had to say," Hackett stated.

"Understood, sir, I was just about to begin," Henderson responded.

"Alright, carry on then," Hackett remarked.

"Yes, sir," Henderson said as he turned to address them once more. "The Alliance needs to have your reports on what occurred over the planet Alchera. It is unlikely we will be able to recover the event records from the ship so any details you can provide would be helpful," Henderson stated. "Also, this mission and the events that transpired are classified and cannot be shared with anyone other then myself or Admiral Hackett. Failure to comply will result in, unpleasant repercussions."

Garrus piped up first, "Sir, I was in the cargo hold doing some repairs to the Mako when the alarms sounded. Next thing I know, I'm being tossed around the cargo hold as the Normandy made some extreme maneuvers. Fires erupted all over the place and I'm fairly certain part of the hull had been blown out. Whatever hit us, caught us by surprise and their firepower was superior. I don't think the Normandy ever went on the offensive."

Tali jumped in next, "I was in engineering and I can confirm that whatever hit the Normandy was extremely advanced. We were in stealth mode and our attackers still managed to make a precision shot on the weapons system. It was the first system to go offline, I believe. Our kinetic barriers also provided no protection, they pierced right through them."

Henderson was beginning to pose another question when Hackett interrupted him. "It seems a couple of the escape pod cameras were able to get some images of the attacking vessel. You all have seen recent Geth technology, is this kind of ship something that would be in their arsenal?", the Admiral asked.

Tali looked over the images as they scrolled by, "That ship is definitely not associated with the Geth. It almost appears organic and...hive like.

"Isn't that how a Collector ship has been described?", Garrus pondered out loud. Liara hadn't heard much about the Collectors but people always spoke of them in whispers as if the mere mention of their name would summon them. Their presence was rarely reported in the galaxy, some believed they were a wild rumor. She couldn't recall ever hearing about them attacking ships though. Her thoughts

began to drift towards the nightmare of the attack. She prayed to the goddess that they wouldn't make her speak about those events, she had just begun to accept what was happening to her. She didn't think she could bare to relive it.

"Dr. T'soni, do you have anything to add?", Henderson queried. "You've been rather quiet."

"No, sir, I just followed Shepard's orders to get to the escape pods and help the rest of the crew get away. I can't give you any additional information about our attackers," Liara replied, trying to hold her composure. The chaotic and terrifying dash to the escape pod was replaying in her head. How were Garrus and Tali staying so focused?

Henderson pressed further, "So you assisted the Commander in the evacuation, do you believe the abandon ship order was given in a timely manner?"

What kind of question was this? Did he think Shepard had been slow in reacting to the situation? "Shepard did everything he could have for his crew, Mr. Henderson," Liara replied as she fought the tears. Tali put a comforting arm around her shoulders.

"I'm sorry, I know this is difficult. The Commander will be sorely missed. He was a good man," Henderson stated.

"Still is," Garrus responded rather tartly.

"Of course, he is a hero to all of us in the Alliance," Henderson responded, trying not to let Garrus' comment fluster him. "Do you have any further questions, Admiral?"

"No, just get me the combined debrief report as soon as you can, Henderson. I need to present it to the Defense Committee. Hackett out."

Henderson looked the group over. "Now, since none of you are members of the Alliance military, I've been instructed to return to you all to the Citadel and assist in any further transportation to your preferred destination. Since the Commander's passing has been confirmed, I have been authorized to invite you all to a private memorial ceremony. I will send the details to each of you as soon as I have them. Any questions?"

Liara didn't want to ask but she had to know, "Were you able to recover his remains or any personal affects?"

Henderson frowned at the question, "Doctor, the entire battle group has exited the system. We considered the area hostile territory and so we extracted the surviving crew and departed as quickly as we could. Given those conditions, we could not spend time searching the debris field for any remains."

"The Alliance isn't even going to try?", she shot back.

Henderson sighed, letting his frustration be known, "While I'm saddened by the Commander's passing and recognize he deserves all the dignity we can give him, I cannot justify risking more ships to simply recover a corpse."

Liara couldn't believe what she was hearing. They weren't even going to try? She didn't fully understand why, but she needed to see the body. Thick tears began to form in Liara's eyes. She couldn't hold them back any more. She sobbed as the tears fell, pouring out the brokenness within her heart.

Henderson shifted about in front of her, clearly uncomfortable with the display of emotion. "You inconsiderate bosh'tet!", Tali yelled as she moved in closer to Liara to give her a consoling hug. "They were together and your callous treatment of the situation is only making it harder on her."

"I, uh, see, I'm...sorry, I had no idea. Shipmates aren't suppose to...", Henderson stammered.

"I'd just stop right there," Garrus cautioned.

Henderson nodded. "Consider yourselves dismissed, Private Simpson is standing by if you need help getting anywhere." Henderson left the three of them in the conference room.

"I can't believe they won't make any effort to give Shepard a proper burial, after all he did for them! Humans...", Tali muttered. "If he was a quarian, they'd sent the whole fleet in to secure the body."

"I know, its not right," Garrus added. He patted Liara's back gently.

Liara had buried her face into Tali's shoulder, feeling a little embarrassed that this news had broken her spirit so much. She had just hope she would get to see him one last time so should could give him a proper good-bye.

"Come on, you two, I bet they have some of that human tea Liara likes, what was it, earl gray?", Tali offered.

"Great idea, Tali, let's go," Garrus added.

Liara straightened up, "Goddess, they won't have anything you two can eat down there," she had suddenly realized.

"Don't worry, Liara, Ashley gave us some dextro food rations from the escape pods. We will have those," Garrus stated.

"Yep, they are right here," Tali patted the satchel she had been carrying as if to seal the deal.

"Well alright then, I have to admit, I am feeling a bit hungry," Liara confessed.

Tali had been right, the mess did have the tea she enjoyed. She remembered when Shepard had first introduced the hot liquid to her. It was on one of the few dates they had managed to squeeze in. He had explained that the enjoyment in tea was getting the flavoring right. It was all about the right preparation coupled with the perfect blend of spices and sweetners. Her first taste struck her as bitter and she was sure this was not her thing but then spices manifested themselves. She enjoyed how the taste had evolved. "I think drinking tea is a lot like relationships," Shepard contemplated.

"Oh really, do tell," Liara beckoned with a smile. She couldn't fathom how he had gotten to that conclusion.

"Well, a relationship requires a lot of ground work, you know, so the person will actually let you get to know who they are, that's like preparing the tea.. After that, it can be kind of bitter as you fumble through getting to know them, but if you keep at it so find that perfect blend, you get to that sweet reward of a meaningful relationship," Shepard grinned, proud of his analogy.

"Very deep, Shepard, who knew you had penchant for the philosophical," Liara teased.

"I have many layers, Liara, and I look forward to sharing each one with you," Shepard shared as he leaned in and gave her a soft kiss on the cheek.

A soft smile crept across Liara's face as the memory faded. She sat herself next to Tali, with Garrus across from them. Tali noticed the smile, "Fond memories?"

"Yes, there are many and yet too few," Liara lamented.

"You are going to be okay, Liara," Tali encouraged.

Liara wanted, needed to believe that she was going to be able to press on. "I miss him so much, Tali."

"As do I, he meant a lot to each of us," Tali shared. "Keelah, I still remember the day he invited me to join his crew on the Normandy. I got a lot of suspicious looks from the crewmen. I remember Shepard

calling together the entire engineering staff and making it very clear that I was to be treated with respect and as an equal. He told that anyone caught being disrespectful would be scrubbing the vents for the next week! He always made sure I knew I was respected and appreciated." Liara couldn't tell if she was crying but her hands were fidgeting indicating she was distraught.

"I remember Shepard facing off with Wrex on Virmire. I thought for sure that was going to get real ugly, real fast. Even though Wrex grabbed him, Shepard kept his cool and talked Wrex down. I've never seen a better leader," Garrus added.

He raised his drink. Liara and Tali followed suit. "Here's to Commander Shepard, first human SPECTRE and the finest soldier in the galaxy. It was an honor to serve with you and a privilege to know you. May you find rest in knowing you saved so many."

"Here's to you, my Captain, I was honored to call you friend," Tali added.

"I'll never love anyone more then I loved you, Shepard," Liara murmured.

They each took a drink from their beverage and culminated their toast. They finished their meal in silence, each lost in their own memories of Shepard.

A few hours later a shuttle dropped them off in lower wards of the Citadel. Garrus turned to Tali, "Well, I imagine you'll be heading back to fleet ending your pilgrimage. I'm sure they'll be glad to have you back. It's been a real privilege to get to know you, Tali. Keep in touch, okay?" They exchanged a hug.

"You too Garrus, have you decided what you are going to do?"

"I think I'll head to Palaven. I should check-in with the family. It's been a while. After that, I don't know yet.," Garrus replied.

Tali turned to Liara. "You better not be a stranger either, dear. I'm here any time you need to talk."

"Thank you, Tali, that means a lot. Travel safe and Keelah se'lai." Liara gave Tali a warm hug. She was

going to miss spending time with her quarian friend. Garrus and Liara watched Tali leave.

"Yeah, I"m going to miss her. She was so much fun to rile up," Garrus confessed.

Liara scoffed, "You did seem to get a lot of enjoyment out of that."

"You haven't shared your plans yet," Garrus said, changing the subject.

"I don't know yet, Garrus. Maybe I'll go back to the university on Thessia and continue my research. Perhaps the Protheans still have more to tell us about the Reapers."

"Well, if they do, you'll be the one to find it," Garrus encouraged.

Liara leaned over a rail and surveyed the lower ward below her. Garrus moved in next to her. There were several broken out windows and groups of bullet holes still scared the walls. Large chucks of debris littered the walkways. The place still looked like a war zone. "Goddess, has it really only been a few months since the whole mess with Saren started? Seems like a lifetime ago, like the whole ordeal was lived by another person. It will be strange to not be traveling on a ship, surrounded by the Normandy crew and...", she stopped short, not able to mention Shepard.

"It's not going to be easy, Liara, but you'll find a way to carry on. You've gone through a lot in a short amount of time, but you're strong and resilient. You can do this." Garrus reached down and cupped Liara's hand in his. "And you're not alone, ever." His words were said with such conviction that it moved her deeply. She turned to face him and smiled softly. His belief in her was a comfort and a source of strength. Liara slid her hands up his arms and rested them on his shoulders, then propelled herself up on her tip-toes, giving Garrus a quick kiss on the cheek. Garrus immediately backed away. "Right, well, then I should head over to the docking area. My transport will be leaving soon," he stated as he continued to retreat to what eventually became a safe distance for him. "You know how to find me if you need anything," he added before he turned to leave.

She was suddenly alone and very confused by what had just happened. Liara didn't think her display of affection would rattle him so. They had always been close friends. Was he after something more, though? She pushed the thought aside, she couldn't focus on that right now. She had to figure out how to jump-start this life of hers. Thessia was the obvious place to start, there she could reconnect with the university and the friends she had. She knew she had affairs to deal with regarding her mother as well.

Liara drew a deep breath and then sighed, it all seemed so trivial knowing that that Reapers were coming. Defeating Sovereign had bought them time but no one knew just how much. And when the finally did arrive, the galaxy would be in a fight for survival. A fight they were in no position to even dream of winning, especially with Shepard gone. The pain of his absence came surging back and she suddenly felt incredibly cold. She took a seat on a nearby vacant bench that was tucked in the shadows of the mezzanine.

As they were departing for the Ilos mission, Shepard told her he had loaded a holorecording in her omni-tool. He told her that she should only play it if he did not survive the coming battle. She nearly deleted it a week ago. Liara decided to needed to hear it now. She tapped a few buttons on the omni-tool interface and the recording began to play. His image appeared before her. He was dressed in his formal uniform. It was his way of communicating his respect for her, she gathered. Once he had explained to her that soldiers all had formal uniforms they would wear for ceremonies.

"My dear Liara, I knew when I became a Spectre and began the hunt for Saren, events were about to unfold that would forever mark my career and shape my personality. I was prepared for that. What I wasn't prepared for, was you. I know our time together was short but I wanted to say thank you. You gave me a joy I thought I would never find. I wish we could of had more time together. I wanted to know everything about you. I'm sorry I am not there with you now. Please do not grieve for me. Find peace in the love we shared. You must continue on without me. You have a beautiful soul, Liara, and you have so much to offer the galaxy. I don't know what I did to deserve your love, but I am grateful it graced my life. Goodbye, my sweet."

The image faded away as the recording ended. Liara felt her heart breaking all over again. It was true, they had only known each other a short time but the connection she felt to him transcended their time spent together. It was not something she could explain or even understand. She had been so relieved when he had admitted he felt the same way. And now it was gone, all she had left were memories and shattered dreams.

She wasn't going to let the pain and sorrow drown her this time though. Shepard may be gone but that didn't mean she had to stop loving him. No, she could continue to love him by not letting the galaxy he saved forget about the Reapers. She didn't know how she was going to go about it just yet but she would find a way. The information business was a good way to get access to influential people. It would take time to get herself established but if she could tap into her mother's resources she would have a good place to start. "Ilium," she whispered. It would easiest to get a foothold in the business on Ilium. Liara brought up her omni-tool and checked the Ilium transport schedule. Her mind began to race as the plan began to come together. She had a purpose now, a very important one, and she wasn't going to let Shepard down.


End file.
